crunchy toast

moocow.

my mom is mistaken. she assumes that because i begged for austins pizza, that throwing a couple frozen ones in the oven will conqure the rumbling in my tummy. but i want AUSTINS pizza. not crap frozen stuff. >_< oh well. my front teeth hurt. they are really sensitive today. it scares me, dad say sugar makes his teeth hurt, and i first noticed it when i was drinking soda. aaahhhh im too young to be old!

saw joe today at the library. that was fun, but he sounded exhausted. i cant wait till next year, im really looking forwards to going and visiting lbj. :D and the lacrosse team is gonna rock. hehe, all my little friends are seniors now!

umm. i might be house sitting.. id rather get money by feeding animals and sleeping in someone elses house than by selling these damn knives.

agggg im hungry.

you know whats crazy??? i found my freaking pda! i havent seen it since.. last summer. i swear to god i thought i had lost it on the plane when we went to ohio in like june. turns out its been under my bed for a year >_< hahaha i guess that should make me clean my room more often... or just go treasure hunting. *ethan! so thats where youve been! i was wondering..*

whooooooo ah. i like the train that goes by my house. er... that i can hear from my house. it whistles. very nice. i need to go pee so im gonna go to bed i think. church tomorrow. gotta get up eaaaarlly.

i dont know if im gonna go to church when im in college. i mean... theres a chapel on campus, but without my parents looking down on me and my congregation expecting me.. i dunno if im gonna wanna get up. sleep is nice. all i like about church since kathy left is the singing. i do like hymns. but garlands sermons just make me sleepy. i spend the whole not singing part trying to stay awake. thats not what church is supposed to do i dont think.. and i dont know if i care to try and make it do what its supposed to. hmm. i dont know. church has been a burden for the last 5 years or so.

whoo :) its almost august, thats when i promised myself id start actually doing stuff... i need to read that book for my 'living learning community' class thingy, need to start packing stuff... starting august i only have 20 days living at home. :/ wow. i think ill start by packing my favorite books, maybe cds.. though i dont use em much anymore. this is all nutty. mom wants me to start moving into ethans room around the 10th, so i guess that will help me pack for my dorm. moving stuff anyways. but im such a packrat, im gonna have trouble throwing away stuff. sigh.

i think im gonna paint my nails pink. itd make me happy. and.. pink. hehe

hooray!! my car is, infact, still alive and working. :) yay happy. ill be sad to leave it behind when i leave... but only cuz i wont have a car then. everything will then rest upon my trusty bike. but its okay cuz i bought a gel pad to save my butt. i think im gonna try to work out in the gym.... what a scary thought.

im finally talking to my roommate through facebook, so hopefully we can get to know each other a bit before we move in. im trying to figure out how exactly this will work. im bringing... entertainment like stuff. dad is gonna keep my old speakers and buy me an iboom ( ) so ill have basically a boombox i can plug my ipod into, and this one gets radio... unlike my speakers. so that should be fun. i also have the n64 that afshan gave me, and i hope to get some more good games... though thats not exactly easy. need another controller also. hopefully one of us will end up with a tv. then i got my trusty laptop, scanner and printer. i think im set. ... i suppose i should rent a fridge. that would be important. i dont think i could live without a fridge.

work sucks. im doing like nothing, and i know its my fault, but i cant seem to bring myself to work any harder at setting stuff up. ive got about $500 now, and im wondering if i might just completely slack off, and see how it goes. cuz i mean, if i need money half way through the semester, i can always start selling more. thats one nice thing about how this stuff works. i almost wish my manager would call me when im upset about something so i could tell them to leave me the hell alone. sigh.

im hungry... but i cant use the microwave. it will wake my parents up. hmm. cold food i guess. not so bad.

whooo for 6th harry potter book. i almost cried... but not quite. i dunno, i wasnt all that impressed. i mean.. i enjoyed it, but it didnt leave me in awe. i wonder if im just growing up, or getting more cynical, but it seems like she slacking off and it just isnt as ... cool as the others seemed to me. i dunno. its not like i didnt like it, ill have a copy and ill read it again and again. sigh. anywho, i hope its not too many decades before the last comes out.

signing out, i gotta go feed the rumbly in my tumbly (disclaimer: i do not own the phrase 'rumbly in my tumbly', it belongs to afshan)

aggggg

my aged car is dying :( it was smoking the other day, and now its clicking and whirring, and not changing gears right.

ive really got to figure out how to get control of myself. lately it seems ive been even more emotional if thats possible and it usually gets me in trouble, mostly with him. which sucks because hes the last person i want to be in trouble with. and i know its my fault, and i try to be honest and tell him that i know its my fault but then it just makes me feel crappier cuz i know and he knows but im still crying or angry or whatever the hell it is. and even when im angry, i finally figured out that the angry is just holding back the crying. its not even real anger. as soon as i leave, or he says something that makes it impossible to be mad, then i start crying again. and when i leave, im angry for a few minutes blaiming him even though i know and i ADMITTED for gods sake that its not his fault and then suddenly i just miss him and want to be with him and i feel twice as bad. fucking hell i hate not being able to stop crying. it makes me feel so stupid. it makes me mad that i cant seem to control myself. ill take deep breaths, ill try to count in my head, try to MAKE it stop, but it just keeps on leaking out. i dont understand. and i dont think he believes me when i say i dont know. but i dont. i should be able to figure out what is going on inside my own head but i dont GET IT. i dont think coherently when im mad or sad. i dont know what started it. i just feel it. uggg. i wish i hadnt left today. i guess i didnt really have a choice, im sure dad woulda let me stay, but he would have guilted me, and that woulda sucked, so i just got mad (took it out on him, and thats the other thing, when he says things that i know are true... i dont know how to deal with that. leaving doesnt help.) and went home. i didnt even want to watch the damn movie. i just got it cuz he had wanted it.
and i figured hed be annoyed i made him watch the other, so i was compromising i guess.

i hope he finishes harry potter fast so i can read it.

maaah.

god i want some GRAHAM CRACKERS!! ive been craving them ever since i discovered the thing of icing in the fridge. graham crackers with chocolate icing is yummmmmy. must go to the store. wooarg

any who ive been trying to decide how to spend my $20 at amazon.com, and probably more too. i really really want the labyrinth/dark crystal set, but i also want legend, and i want lord of the rings complete all three like ultimate set!! de de de de.

man. i had a good sammich today. yummy. a chocolate iced graham cracker would be loverly right now. >_<

im gonna go rent legend and make afshan watch it.

hopefully swim today.

uggg i dont wanna call my manager... ive been avoiding him for three days and i know hes gonna bug me about it. so much for the independant salesman. meh. blah blah blah blah.

eeee late at night babble when my head isnt screwed on so tight is so much more funnnnn than other kinds of talking which im sometimes burdened with during the sunny time of my wakeness. hmmmmmaaah go to caarlys new cool and might i say TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME (hehe) comic site thingy. murr, ill put up a link tomorrow when i can find it, chase it down and pin it to the SCREEEN. i wouldnt want yall to have to go through the same trouble and oh MAN i hate alarm clocks. they suck. beeep beep beep arg SMASH sleep mmm :) least thats how it should go cuz it usually ends up more like beep beep groan get out of bed stumble into bathroom blah blah blah. i hate getting out of bed so much. its so soft and comfy and nice and its happy and sleepy. much better than the real world.

soooo anywho, job is going down hill. im making money but i made the mistake of selling alot my first few days so now they are all like SARAH you are on the FAST TRACK TO SUCESS sell lots of stuff do lots of demos WORK WORK WORK and im more like gahhhhwhydididothatgodthissucksandSTOP CALLING ME AT FREAKING EIGHT IN THE MORNING. that is SLEEP TIME. they need to understand that. so far im not seeing the promised flexabliity and do-what-ever-you-want-ness, just calling in, going in for meetings, thingys aggggg. yeah. and i keep on going to single people who are like, yeah, im poor. GOD DAMNIT BUY THE KNIVES ANYWAYS. do you think i really CARE that you are poor? BUY BUY BUY. i have the knives, not you. do what i say STUPID WORM MONKEY.

mra. i like live. i was listning to them alot today.

rain is nice. i havent had the chance to play in it for a long time though. i was driving in it today, and running through it, but not for fun. it was for need to stay dry run run try not to slip no heels for me today. that stuff.

MONKEYS. monkeys on CRACK. watch them go. heheheh. crafty little bastards. watch out for the ones wiht the crazy eyes. they are... crazy. crazy like DEATH. death and sparkles. sprinkles. or something. candy i belive. the red kind. or perhaps blue.

glasses keep your eyes in your head. so do contacts. thats why its very important to wear them. sucks for the rest of you. ill laugh when your eyes fall out.