crunchy toast

its all rainy outside... i had to go from my class at the other side of campus all the way over here. :( i managed to grab a bike, so i guess im not as wet as i could have been. normally id be happy to have it all rainy and get to stay in my dorm, but i have to go paint and then draw. maybe ill draw first. but i dont really want to be doing either. im really tempted to just put it all of to tomorrow, but... im afraid i wouldnt have time to get it done. hm. i might just do it anyways. i really dont feel like working today. the rain makes me want to hang out with people. or at least sleep.

the weekend was so so. it coulda been really fun, but afshan was sick and it made me sad. :( he has the flu or something, and probably some throat thing on top of that, and hes feeling really icky and his mom wouldnt let me see him. im not used to not seeing him all weekend. sigh. carlys party was pretty fun, but again, he couldnt come, which sucked alot. mostly we watched movies and teased megans friends. jonathan showed up for a bit as a kinda goth vampire, which made me laugh. i wish i had taken a picture. finally got to see afshan on sunday, we tried to be careful, so hopefully i wont get sick. :P that would suck.

dunno if im even going to do anything tonight, i basically rely on eva to take me places, and she said shes not gonna do anything, so if she actually stays here, this might be the first year ive done nothing at all for halloween. i guess carlys party counts, but its not the same as doing something on halloween day. i wish i could make it to jordanns party.

i think the rain is making me feel mopey. my shirt is still wet, but i changed pants. i guess ill paint for a bit today, since thats the important assignment. need to call my mom.

You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice

You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that’s clear
I will choose free will

ug. if i decide to major in art, i dont think drawing is going to be my concentration. i like painting, but i hate the one we are doing now. it confuses me :( i spent about 40 minutes this morning cutting canvas into little pieces. it was exciting. :) i feel so laaaazy. i really dont want to go to painting, but im already skipping drawing and i really need to work on my ick painting.

eva said shes prolly gonna buy a tv, which would be cool, cuz then id finally be able to play my n64. get some practice in. :P sigh. i need to do abunch of stuff today that i havent done. i suppose i should chip into the tv, but i dont have much moneeeey. :( i feel bad, like, i dont want to ask my mom for any more, because she was hoping that id have enough spending money to help out with the books. i still have around 200, so i dont really want to ask her to reemburse me for my stuff, cuz i shoudl be paying part. sigh. i need to pick up applications soon, but i dont know what to apply for. i was thinking about chuck e cheeses.... i guess ill see what carly is doing over the break. itd be cool if we could work together. i just really hope i wont have to do cutco.

why are we here?
because were here
roll the bones
why does it happen?
because it happens
roll the bones

im on a rush KICK. yes. if i had written about 10 minutes ago it woulda been our lady peace. hehe. i love music. my nose is stuffy. i think ill bike today, but i dont think ill have time before my next class. maybe. well see.

A modern-day warrior
Mean mean stride,
Today’s tom sawyer
Mean mean pride.

Though his mind is not for rent,
Don’t put him down as arrogant.
His reserve, a quiet defense,
Riding out the day’s events.
The river

And what you say about his company
Is what you say about society.
Catch the mist, catch the myth
Catch the mystery, catch the drift.

The world is, the world is,
Love and life are deep,
Maybe as his eyes are wide.

Today’s tom sawyer,
He gets high on you,
And the space he invades
He gets by on you.

running suxxor.

im nervous about next semester, ive been looking at course stuff and i think im going to have alot more work. :( apparently if im going to major in art, i have to minor in art history >_< makes sense but it kinda sucks. i want to paint.. not learn. but at least i get to take sculpting next semester. that sounds fun.

godddd allergies are kicking my ASS. at the moment i have three different allergy meds and two different ways to help me breath at night. >_< and i have the hiccups. sigh. my nose is sore... im tired of needing kleenex. i depend on it. i was so desperate today that i actually ended up carrying afshans little kleenex box into the last few stores. i bought a pretty skirt at goodwill though. not all is bad.

halloweeen!! ive decided im going to be a biker chick! i just wont mention the fact that motercycles scare teh crap out of me. they are cool. :D i have gloves! they are real biker gloves! that is ... cyclist gloves. hehe. they are navy blue, which doesnt match my black. but i can deal i guess. goddamn hiccups.

i still havent decided if im going to go to church when im at home. i think ill only do it if i dont have stuff to do. i wouldnt have today if i didnt want to see the rest of the movie. i just feel so bad not going. its like, i dont care enough to WANT to go, but i care enough to feel bad if i dont. sigh. and dad told me today that he knew i wasnt necessarily coming to church because i loved it, but that it still made him happy when i went. hes great at making me feel bad. ps, i really really need to remember to call them sometime this week. i feel terrible how i completely ignore them. >_< i guess im not supposed to get used to not seeing them so quickly. sigh. i would go to a church that was all singing.

ugggg i need to study for my midterm tomorrow. its two essay questions, i have the questions, i just need to figure out what im going to write and what to use from the book because i only have 30 minutes to write each essay, and yet, im having a really hard time getting myself to start studying. and im tired, so i want to go to sleep early, but i also have a bio quiz tomorrow so i really should do at least a little bit of reading but i dunno if i will actually get around to it. hell. senior year ruined me. im doing so badly in english im ashamed of myself. i mean... im making okay grades, but im not trying at all and i know my papers are crappy. but i just dont care. i havent re-written my last one.. i think i was supposed to. but i decided i wasnt going to, then later this semester ill be like, oh, i forgot, may i please turn it in still? and shes so absent minded she will probably let me. i think if i get an A in this class i will cry. because its so sad. damn you mcdonald, i think this is your fault. i was still writing good essays with kelly.

i hate school. it makes me not happy alot. i fucking hate it when im spending time with afshan and trying to enjoy it but i cant stop thinking about what i need to get done. i really hate it. i should be able to just forget and enjoy myself.

sigh. i want to bring him with me for thanksgiving, but its a big deal with his family too, so i know he cant. :( i want him to come to carlsbad. goddammit i wish he had come before they changed houses. i miss their house so much. i dont want them to live in a stupid little house. arrrrrrrrrrrrg.

we got a new van. honda apparently promised someone more vans than they had, so they were buying them back from people, and we basically ended up trading ours in for a newer one. our old van+cd player+ windows for the middle seats (oh hell yes)+more places to put stuff+.. being new-$25 per payement= yay! its silver.

mum says we are probably going to put timmy down in the next few months. im trying not to think about it. i think ill cry more for him than i have for anyone in a long time. i cant imagine him not being there. god this sucks.

okay, so yes, it is a terrible song, but it makes me laugh. :)

blah. that four day weekend made me really not want to go back to school, like it was just long enough to settle back to my old way, then i have to go again. and it was damn expensive. i think i spent round $100. got a freaking parking ticket i dont think i diserved, rearended somone on 38th, turned out she was a peace officer >_< but she was really nice about it. main problem, i didnt have a valid license at the time.. so far that hasnt come up, but it probably will. sigh. i did get my license renewed finally... a day too late. ugg. i dont feeel like going back to class.

sigh. i really want it to be christmas break. a whole month of freeedom. :) i need to start thinking about registering for next semester's classes. so far i think that is the most annoying thing in college. its nice that i only have to be in a class for a semester, but its a pain in the ass to have to register every 5 months.

mra. i feel like sleep right now.

finally went to lbj for lunch! it was much fun, got to see dezi and kendall, harrys growing his hair out crazy long! he looks like a pirate. so that was fun. i hope to do it again w/ afshan sometime, probably at the beginning of xmas break before they get out of school. i really really need to get a job over xmas break. i have a month to make enough money to get me through spring semester. :D

eva and i have picked our room song. its called the whistle song (blow my whistle bitch) by the dj aligator project. its pretty awesome. you should download it and listen. we're working on learning the words. i think i can get it down in a week or two. :)

jeez, i finally finished my drawing. i figured that ive been doing art from about 4:30pm to 1:20am. there was a break for dinner and a break between finishing my painting and starting my drawing, but i was actually doing art for 8 hours im so freaking tired right now. and i think i need to do some more work on my painting if i have time tomorrow. god. this is crazy. art is supposed to be fun and relaxing

caaant wait for the 4 day weekend. im very ready for a break. of course, i have to write one paper and rewrite another during that time... but that will be easy. :D

sigh. sleep time.

weird ass dream...

i was trying to get all my sketches for art done, but when i looked in my book, there were all these pictures of animals in them, and i remembered doing some of them, but some of them i didnt. for some reason i like taped my sketch book around a waterbottle so they were all wrapped around and you could still turn the pages and people in my room were looking at it but it like fell apart and i couldnt get it to work again. it was like there was the sketchbook that had drawings in it, but there were all these blank ones too and i was trying to put them back on, but they like... broke apart into this grid thing. and i got really upset. then i was sleeping in my bed.. eva had a guy in the room, or maybe it wasnt eva. and i was sleeping without a top so i was afraid theyd see me, but when i sat up i did have a top on. then for some reason afshan and i were back visiting highschool, we kinda were wandering around the second floor. i almost tripped as we were coming down the stairs, and i said something about how many times i had almost killed myself going down those stairs. we went into this bigish room. turner was in there like talking to the police or something, for some reason turner and hollen (who was apparntly still in highschool) were in big trouble. they had done something, which at first had to do with a school play i think, but later on it was something much bigger. lisa was there and she was wearing like mourning cloths and she was really upset because they might go to jail. i think hollen went up to talk to the police or something, and afshan was wondering about something, and i was like, she said they got in trouble, and he said that he knew, but hollen wouldnt tell him what they did and he was really worried, and i burst out that i didnt give a damn, (i was mad that he cared?) but then i saw lisa and i think she was crying so i shut up because i didnt want to upset her even more. i think the last thing was i was trying to figure out what they had done and i was looking at the news online or something, and there was some sort of natural not disaster, but like trouble. soemthing was wrong with soem sort of habitat, adn they had like a map of some place with little markers where stuff was going wrong, and each marker was a picture of somenes face, and when i zoomed in i realized that some of them were t's face.

so yeah. i know, im weird.

okay... so i dont hate arthur. :) in fact, hes the best, cuz he actually did offer to come pick me up, which would have been fun, but his parents wouldnt let him. :P but i got a ride with austin, so it all worked out. lessie... weekend, i dont even remember what all i did... friday night, stayed w/ afshan and jonathan and watched ice age and both ninja turtle movies (tried really really hard not to laugh at afshans childhood, i did once and he got mad :P)

highlight of the weekend was definitly saturday night, saw serenity!!!! it was AWESOME. really. i loved it. it was so good that you must go see it as soon as possible. i mean it. like... im sure theres a movie time soon near you. go. sigh. i loved it so much. now i just need to finish the season, ive only seen like 5 episodes. :( even jonathan loved it, said it might have replaced the 5th element as his favorite sci fi. i cant say that, but thats because the 5th element has sentamental value for me... ill never replace it. but i will certainly buy serenity and make every person i know watch it. several times. poor eva...

rock on.

i have so much stuff to do tonight... and not enough time. i was supposed to finish part of my painting, but i couldnt because i had to come make some phone calls and some note cards then run to dinner then reveiw session one then reveiw session two then group meeting. >_< and i dont think i can sleep in tomorrow... i need to study for my bio test and if i have time paint more.

goddammit i wish i could get ahold of a data cable. ive got alot of cool pictures on my phone that i cant get off of it... :( id love to post pictures of my paintings on here. new art! yay. but not. not yet.

i also cant get my fucking debit card to work. i accedentally put my social security number in wrong on the phone, and they froze the account. that was saturday night. they arnt open on sunday. they arnt open today, becaues its fucking columbus day (i didnt even know this.. im used to having it off) so i have to wait till tomorrow, except i dont know if ill have time to make the phone call between classes. this is so lame. i really really want to buy things with my debit card.

mom: you do know how a debit card works, right?
me: of course. i buy things with it.
mom: you konw where the money comes from?
me: the magical money place!
mom: do you know what happens when you overdraw from your debit card?
me: psh, i cant overdraw, the magical money place has infinite amounts of money. it doesnt RUN OUT.

mom wont let me get a credit card. :(

its collld outside, which would normally make me very happy (im wearing my ireland hoodie for the first time in texas!) but it is also raining cold rain. which i dont like much. rar. im waiting for someone to take me to austin... but so far noone has come. :( it makes me sad. and arthur wont pick me up. what a jerk. i hate you arthur.

fine then. i dont hate you. maah. im tired of being in my dorm. but its too cold to be anywhere else. im gonna watch a movie now.

went to spencers lakehouse this weekend, which was pretty fun. we got there too late to swim, but we did cook steak! :D i learned that i have a really really hard time getting drunk off of beer...i get full too fast and cant drink any more. luckily, spencer was able to pry the hinges off the booze closet and get me some tequila. :P we watched the 5th element (whooooo) and another bruce movie (he rocks), the last boyscout, which was pretty good and had cars blowing up. :) that gives an automatic thumbs up. explosions. especially car explosions. its just... awesome. KABOOM. like that. hehe. for the second time i smoked a bit and didnt notice the difference because i was drunk. it might have made me seem more drunk, i couldnt tell.

the saddest thing, was we were out of town, and the stars were loverly, but i didnt see them till i was smashed, and i dont really remember them. i remember lying in the grass and looking at the stars and not quite being able to focus, and thinking, i wish i could remember this. but, i dont really. ... i remember there WERE stars. and that they were pretty. but i dont actually remember them. laura tried to take a picture for me (shes a sweetie) but for some straaaange reason it didnt turn out. :(

we had steak and eggs for breakfast, which was awesome. that was the first time i had ever actually had steak and eggs, though ive heard of it before. although... technically i didnt really have steak and eggs because i didnt really eat the eggs, i let afshan have most of them. mostly i just had steak and toast. but that was pretty awesome. :) toast with jelly. yummmm. it was really good.

on the way back, afshan and i really wanted to get ice cream at this place called the hungry moose, just because it would be awesome to say we ate at the hungry moose, but it was closed. i suppose because it was sunday or somethign.... lame. i WILL return and i WILL eat something at the hungry moose. i shoulda taken a picture of the sign. hm.

i really want something sweet right now.. i might have to raid alonzos room. they always have sugar stuff. :)

my so called 'fall break' is coming up, which just means they gave us monday off and claimed that the weekend we already didnt have to be at school for was part of a 'break.' thats retarded. anywho, im hoping to visit the funny lbj kids on that monday. :) it would make me happy to go poke fun of the highschoolers. hehe.

as usual, my room is fucking freezing. i dont understand how to work the thermostat, or i would change it. >_< instead, i type with a blanket around my shoulders. it was a good buy. :) garage sales are the bomb.

i keep on getting little pay checks from vector.. i dont understand why. i thought i got all the ones they owed me, i mean, i havent been working for two full months, but dad said i just got another one in the mail. its odd. but hey, im not gonna complain. specially wehn i just spent $40 on oil paints for art, and that wasnt even all of them, that was just the half im buying. its insane.

rar. im in an at the drive-in kick ever since i wrote my paper on it. gaines is one of the best teachers ever. hes like mr kelly, but a college teacher, so that much better. hopefully we will still do fun things. :)